The ‘Now What?’

The ‘Now What?’

I had an interesting conversation with someone a few months ago about the ‘now what?’ that comes after we achieve one of our dreams.

You know what I mean?

Remember that intense wave of energy that comes as you finally live the realization of a dream and then in a brief flash it is over. The wave passes and then comes the ‘now what’?

Does sadness or melancholy set in? Is there a moment of sorrow, almost grief over the realization of a dream? I know that may sound strange but it can feel like a loss.

I remember in 2012 I was finishing up over 1400 hours of training over an 18-month period of time. I was so excited and proud of all the effort and hard work to accomplish a goal and dream. I remember receiving word that I was graduating and completed the program.

Bliss, joy, content, and a ‘Holy Shit, I did it!’ passing through my being with so much force I cried.

Then, just as fast as it came in, it was gone, and in its place came the, ‘now what?’.

I recently read in The Book of Wisdom by OSHO about artists that never feel their painting is perfect. If they found perfection in their art there would be nothing more to strive for. After finishing a work of art there is a brief moment of pleasure then sets in the now what.

I remember dropping into a few weeks of sadness and grief.

A lot of time was spent in quiet reflection trying to make sense of this roller coaster of emotions that I was feeling.

Why was I sad? Why wasn’t I celebrating and moving full steam ahead into my yoga therapy and energy healing practice? How come I was not blissfully happy and proud?

Why? Because I was grieving. I was grieving the passing of time, the pure love of being a devoted student, and the deep learning that gave me the gift of unveiling my authentic Self. Even moreso, I was grieving the death of me.

That old me seemed foreign and so long ago. It felt like a distant memory fading away, and I knew I was grasping for a part of her to stay and help me feel comfortable in this raw skin. A skin that I was still so unsure of and not quite fully knowing how to live from that place.

During this time of the, ‘now what?’, I realized a few things:

  1. It is okay to grieve over things that others may not understand why you are grieving. Feel the grief. Allow it to move through you.  This is your journey not theirs.
  2. Allowing yourself to feel is the ultimate offering of grace, compassion, and self-love. Your feelings are brought to you as information. Information to be explored from a place of non-judgement and loving-kindness.
  3. The ‘Now What?’ is the period of sadness that creates space for the next dream and goal to be born. The moments of reflection on the work and the journey allow for possibilities that perhaps were unseen before now. The now what becomes a time of creative inspiration to formulate the next intuitively guided plan.
  4. It is a knowing that wherever you are and whatever you are doing in this very moment is enough. You are enough.
  5. Most importantly for me, the ‘Now What’ is an invitation to be fully present, fully aware, and inwardly mindful of what is happening in the now. A remembrance that nothing else matters but this moment, and to live in the ‘now what’ is to invite in a future mind-set that only creates anticipation, anxiety, and fear.

To answer the question, ‘Now what?’, well, I don’t really know, and not knowing is enough for me right now.

With compassion and love,
Kate

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